Good Enough

Be honest. How many times have you ever thought "I'm not good enough"? Maybe it was about a job application, someone you liked/were with, or your performance at work. I can't count the number of times I told myself I wasn't good enough for something, or someone. I can't count the number of times I might still tell myself I'm not good enough in future.

But guess what? I've also started doing something else: explicitly telling myself I AM good enough for all the things I doubted. That cute dude a year ago I would never have dared demand his attention? I wrote my number alongside a flirty line on a napkin on my way out, more interested in having the bravery to do so and less interested in how silly I looked or whether it would amount to anything. That feeling of having to say yes to everyone at work because otherwise people will think I'm slacking? I started saying no because I started to believe that the work I did was of a high quality only by giving myself the time to do it properly- it became less about pleasing others and more about pleasing myself. Oh, and all those times I thought how attractive I am was based on how much interaction I had with men? I realised most guys that gave me attention said a lot of the same stuff,  because my looks are surface level, and that has become a lot less flattering over time when it comes from (often) random strangers. (My favourite thing to do these days is agreeing with the compliment, rather than looking like I'm about to kiss the ground he walks on, which has them lose interest pretty quickly ;). For a long time I also thought the whole point in being single was to keep trying to find the right guy to spend time with, to make the "picture" complete, when I've now done the complete opposite when someone has come along, by putting myself first. 

I can't tell you where all of this came from, being the serial low-self-esteemer that I am, but I know it was no overnight feat. I started refuting myself in my head. Every time I said 'I can't do that', I questioned it. Why can't I? Why shouldn't I? Changing my perspective ever so slowly, from "I can't", to "why not try" has led to "I can". I can't claim a million studies and sources for this, but I feel like our society has told us from a very early age that we aren't worthy, so we spend our time looking for ways to fill this 'gap' with others attention, acknowledgement and relationships (check this podcast if you're interested in self-worth in relationships specifically).

Here's the crazy thing though: we're ALL born "good enough". Yep, we've been whole and complete all along, mistakenly looking outward for something we all already have. If you get it, I'm happy for you and I'm so glad you agree. But, if you're struggling- please try to remember and tell yourself, ever so slowly, that you've had it all in you this whole time. Anyone telling you otherwise isn't trying to help (like IKEA telling Chinese women they can't have proud parents unless they bring a boyfriend home for dinner) and you should figuratively slap their figurative arse out of your sight, pronto.

P.S. Thank you Ryan for taking these lovely sun-soaked photos! 

TL;DR: Good enough for what? For whom? F that shit, you're whole and complete all on your own bbs.